if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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