Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize