i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
