if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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