I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
