it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
