I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
