I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
