Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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