Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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