My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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