dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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