how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
