please come you make the beer taste better
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
