I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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