I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
