You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
