You just made me feel so damn special
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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