drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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