She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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