but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
