I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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