i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
