I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
