Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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