you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
