they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
