i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
