Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What happened to fro yo and sex?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
