Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
