as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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