I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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