He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
