you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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