i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
