I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
