the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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