I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize