you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dignity is for republicans.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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