my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
