After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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