I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
