Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
