as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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