I can't watch pbs sober anymore
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
