I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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