did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
