so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
