Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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