What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
