You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize