So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize