Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
