My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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