my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
