did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
