fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize