I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize