if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
