My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
