My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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