i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
