a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
