i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
