??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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