I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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