party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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