News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
