Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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