it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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