a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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