I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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