Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
